One of the most frequent discussions with my single friends is the “does he fancy me?�? conversation. Hours can be spent analysing and debating his intentions and entire scenarios can be created about his motives and objectives. So after years of theoretical and practical research I have narrowed down the top physical indicators on if a bloke really fancies you.
Eyes:
Pupils naturally dilate if they are looking at someone or something they find aesthetically pleasing. So if you are seeing mainly black when you look into his eyes this is a really positive sign. (avoid staring into them all night like a demented optometrist or he will start to go off you pretty quickly).
The one proviso is that low lighting can have the same effect on enlarging his pupils. Next time he goes to the bar whip out your mirror and check the relative size of your pupils. His pupils should be equivalent of greater in ratio to yours. If this is the case then he likes what he sees.
Feet:
Very well known but always a good indicator. A guy who likes you will naturally point his feet towards you. This is excellent if you are in a group situation as you can just follow the feet to see who he likes. Also, a really sneaky way to figure out who wants to shag who at work.
Framing:
This is so primeval I love it. When a guy is attracted to you he will unconsciously try to draw attention to his genitals. He may spread his legs, hook his thumbs into his waistband or place his hands either side of his crotch. Essentially he is saying check out the package, you could have some of this. ( if he actually tries to show you the package early in the evening then he definitely fancies you, but you may not want to go there )
Mirror:
Another old favorite. You will both start copying each others movements; adopting similar hand and feet positioning, speed of breathing and actions. If he starts imitating you by flicking his hair or applying lipstick you may have the wrong guy.
Contact:
Now obviously any sign of contact is encouraging but you still need to be discerning. Thanks to camera phones you can invent photo op’s and see what happens. If he grabs you by the waist it is a great sign as it denotes attraction and protection. However if he rests his arm across your shoulder that generally implies he just sees you as a mate. Full on groping and face sucking is generally a positive sign.
Ego comments:
A very “bloke�? thing to do and can be off putting if you don’t understand why. The guy will start to reference how good his job is or where he lives or even how much he makes. Generally he is trying to prove that he can provide for you. A bit like chest beating in Gorillas. If he brings along an audited set of accounts or spends ALL night discussing his assets then he is just an ego-maniac.
Personal space
We all have our own personal space and if certain people invade this space we can find it intimidating. However if you are with someone that you like then the relative area of personal space reduces. If he starts to move closer towards you this implies he is comfortable in your presence and would like to get more intimate.
Possession:
My absolute favorite technique for figuring out if the bloke really fancies you. You need a personal object like jewellery, lighter or a mobile. Casually fiddle with the object, (not in a kinga wine bottle way) for a few minutes. Place the object an equal distance between the two of you. End of dinner is a great time to do this. If he picks up the object and brings it towards him and holds it then you can start booking the church and ordering the flowers. I can’t remember all the psychology behind this. I just know it works EVERY TIME.
To avoid disappointment opt for something like a lighter as jewellery can be too personal, particularly if it is a ring. Also, with a phone they may just look at it out of curiosity and boredom rather than interest in you. Not touching the object or moving it back towards you generally indicates that it is game-off.
Now all of the above are open to interpretation and if you really fancy someone you may tend to over read the signals. Equally not all boys will behave the same, but a surprising amount do. Now you could obviously just ask if he likes you, but where is the fun in that! The one conclusive method to figure out if he really fancies you is as follows:
Get roaring drunk off your head. Hop in a taxi and go to their house. Ideally in the early hours of the morning. Starting ringing the doorbell and shouting through the letter box that you have arrived. If the guy doesn’t answer and texts you to go away before he is forced to call the guards then chances are he is not playing hard to get, he simply does not fancy you.
If you found this useful checking out my guide to getting a guy’s attention.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
March 9th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Hi, I’m new to your blog, and I’m really enjoying everything about it!
Thank you so much for this entry… it’s wonderful, and it was so much fun to go straight from it, to photos of my friends to see where the men are putting their arms around the women (shoulder, or waist) …with great results !
Also, I’m so pleased you mentioned ‘ego comments’.. I have a male friend who seems to want to impress, eg. “I got a new flip up phoneâ€Â?, “I’m in France right nowâ€Â?… the latest one is investing in a campervan to go touring around like a mad thing.. the thing is, it can make me feel unusually inadequate in comparison… My friends say he’s just trying to impress and that I should be flattered…but, gosh it’s so comforting to read a similar thought in your words.
And, I can’t wait to try out your ‘possession’ idea… what fun !! Thanks again for sharing your experience and theories… Bye for now !
March 9th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Costal, thanks for reading. Photo’s and feet total giveaway, great way to “spot the divorce”. Good luck with “possession” test.
March 9th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Flirty, excellent guide, have already posted this around a few of my single friends!
March 9th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Thanks Elly - years of trial and error!
March 9th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Thanks for that. I will have to test out some of your theories here in the office and in the pub. Like coastal aussie I am taken by the “possession” thing. The feet theory is something new and I will have to watch out for it. My only previous theory on the feet relates to size. Some claim it to be a reliable guide to what one can expect for both sexes. However I never managed to come to a definitive conclusion on it.
Pete
March 9th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Pete - you could get a job in Clarks and then date your customers, that should sort it.
Lovely day off for a walk - bad blogging distraction!
March 9th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Since I am a man and am hopeless with women, I can only draw on Rob O’Brien’s experiences.
Go for the jugular straight away. Does that count?
March 9th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
When a woman finds you attractive, and asks you to dance, and you say no, you don’t like to dance, it DOES NOT mean you don’t fancy her. It means you fear that you have two left feet and therefore you really don’t like to dance. Seriously.
You should do one of these for men on women Flirty. I’ve seen tons of stuff on how to spot the signs, but I’m useless. Linzi sometimes says “she was chatting you up there”, and I would not have had a clue if I hadn’t been told. Women, apparently, know these things.
Oerhaps I’m just a bit socially retarded.
March 9th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Dario - effective but crude.
Kav - good idea will consider over the weekend. Men are proven to be hopelessly unobservant. Stats are in one of my early postings, will dig out.
March 9th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Brilliant! am now going to spend the weekend staring at people’s feet and shoving my lipstick across tables at likely looking lads….;)
March 9th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
cathy, there are worse ways to spend a weekend
March 9th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
That was fantastic. You should have posted that for Vallies Day though. I usually know if a girl likes me because she uses my name alot, and asks me questions, and of course thinks everything I say is funny … even when it’s not. I think you just know it’s a feeling. You just feel a weird awkwardness that says … I want you.
March 9th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Hey, thanks for the blog-roll, and thanks for this post. As an Aspergers sufferer I’ve always struggled with understanding what other people are thinking. This gives me some tools to use next time I’m at the pub!
March 9th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
By the way Flirty, that picture gives me the horn.
March 9th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
What the hell is it about boy bloggers, anything sets you off!
March 9th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Mate, this post rocks. Unfortunately, I’m too pissed right now to offer any insight, so I’ll re-read in the morn and absorb your words of wisdom then.
Feet, eh?
March 10th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
“You need a personal object like jewellery, lighter or a mobile“
Hows about taking a Tampax out of your bag for handling?
Our friends Charles and Camilla were really turned on by Tampax.
Granny
March 10th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Granny - well there is lots of things you can do with them like rollar blading and playing volley ball but I think this is perhaps not one of them. Well done on your new site.
March 10th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
I really liked this. I think that the leg pointing trick is more telling for women.
Women, in a group situation will point their legs at the person they like, in a similar situation a mad will point his legs at the most sexually attractive woman in the room whether or not he thinks she is a potential partner.
There is one thing you missed out on. When a man fancies a woman he will talk to her in lower tones than he would with anyone else. You know when you see two people talking quietly to one another it is a dead give away. Men will also talk about private things more often then not too in those situations.
March 10th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Ah - wasn’t aware of the male / female differential on feet. Interesting. I notice you are a fellow feet watcher!
March 10th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Here’s one for you, if you are sitting side by side….
If he crosses his knees towards you - good sign.
If he crosses his knees away from you - bad sign.
[and apologies for Granny ;)]
March 10th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Right then - this possession thing sounds like a goer. How do I make it happen in the workplace then…
A pen!
I will go to his office, fiddle with a pen and place it RIGHT in front of him.
OMG, if I’ve had the pen in my mouth (you know, concentrating) - that’s even better. Isn’t it?
March 11th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Your blog is great! I’m an Irishman marooned at the far side of the world and I miss our women terribly! Irish women are always witty and foreigners just havent got that. I want to go home!
I dont know what I can add to the comments but coastal aussie is on to something there. Men will always want girls they fancy to know they have possesions or have some notable achievements eg playing for a rugby team. A postgrad friend of mine, a total womaniser, used to call himself a ‘lecturer’ when we were out chasing women. Me and him had hours teaching but calling ourselves lecturers was stretching the truth slightly! But it used to work. Shy blokes are a bit different, they will stutter and look at the ground when talking to someone they fancy.
March 11th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Spinsterella, best of luck. try to ensure pen not covered in salvia, may reduce chances
Irishman, interesting lecturer approach, thanks for stopping by.
March 12th, 2007 at 2:08 am
Thanks for that post. I have noticed that when I fancy a man I use a lot his name when talking to him, even if there is nobody else around and there is no need to explain who I am talking to. I don’t know whether this is a general thing or just me.
March 12th, 2007 at 2:11 am
What I find most tricky about reading body language is that I think it’s not always a very reliable indicator. For instance, if I’m around somebody who normally sits with his legs spread, then can I be sure that this means that he is attracted to me?
I’ve read somewhere that to be sure that there is attraction one has to notice several of these love signals together. So I suppose one should be checking for all of the items in your list.
March 12th, 2007 at 9:36 am
Mar - thanks for commenting! name is always a giveaway and as for the rest you need to read the whole picture and use your gut instinct. Of course just asking is easier!
March 15th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
It was only last night that I was talking to a female friend about the topic of how I’ve noticed that so many times a woman seem to spend more energy wondering how much the man likes her instead of putting her energy into wondering if she likes him. It almost appears that for many women the strength of a man’s interest in them is enough. My friend said something along the lines of: she’d never really thought about it, but that it made sense, and in fact, when she thought about it some more, that she wasn’t too sure of her feelings for the guy she’s currently dating but that he was so passionate about her that it somehow “compensated” for her feelings. (I’m paraphrasing somewhat now what she said to make my point!)
Women of the Internet! Spend less time pondering on what he thinks and more clarifying your own feelings!!
March 18th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Brian, couldn’t agree with you more. Wrote a post in the past “It must be Love?” dealing with this theme. Frustrating but true.
March 20th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
There is one simple rule for women when trying to attract men.
Of course you’ll have to deal with the drunks and weirdoes who will run at a hole in the wall, but for the guy you want, you know, the one you admire who never seems to notice you…
You’re being too subtle
March 20th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Matt - noted. I am working on the how to tell if a girl is interested / how to let a guy know you are interested. The common denominator is BIG GESTURES.
March 21st, 2007 at 5:14 am
Name? What’s the name thing? I’m a bit behind.
I’ve got to agree that body language often times leads to unreliable results. Now, this isn’t necessarily because the signs listed just don’t work, but because the one reading might be digging too deep. I find that often times I am the queen of wishful thinking. (How’d that song go?)
That having been said, I really want to try the possession thing.
March 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am
Dorie, when people use your name it is a sign of interest. Completely agree re the pinch of salt but the object trick generally works - good luck
March 25th, 2007 at 2:09 am
Oh, really? I never knew that. I tend to not use names all that often because I feel that it may make the others uncomfortable….in the sense that it implies a certain familiarity.
Tried the object test. Now, I don’t know how this works, because I was at work and it was a stress ball, and he asked for it. So, I don’t know whether he was just interested in squeezing that ball.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Dorie, I think the stress ball is a good sign.
April 25th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I am a man (I like to think) and have studied NLP over the past five years, which gives understanding of communication because body language is only part of the ’signals’.
That said, once thing I have worked out through this is that if you think (or feel) someone fancies you, they probably do.