Girls, avoid going out with 12 of your “best�? friends. In the same way you might feel uncomfortable spending all night in the men’s urinal trying to make small talk, so will blokes shy away from approaching gangs of women.
Try and locate yourself somewhere accessible. (not on the way to the men’s loo, that place is reserved for girls called Concepta and Jacinta.) I spent one night bemoaning the lack of action before I eventually realised that I was sitting down, a railing on three sides, 2 giant pillars and steps up to the table. Indiana Jones would have struggled to find me. At the bar is generally a better location.
Most importantly, and I hate to put this in the public domain, but if you are trying to catch a guy avoid going to an over-fished lake. Check out the smaller old-man pubs and avoid Dawson St. at all costs.
Consider smoking or smirting as it is now known. All of the action happens outside the pub. As Jeremy Clarkson once pointed out, most people Internet dating don’t drink or smoke, is it any wonder they’re single! Simple choice. Die alone and single at 94 or married but with a hacking cough at 72.
Once the clothes and location are sorted you need to start scouting. Now guys are notoriously unobservant (proof). So a quick smile is not going to work when trying to attract their attention. You need to make eye contact and give a big smile up to 3 times before a guy notices you are checking him out. Anything more than this and you will get done for stalking.
Guys, if you see a girl smiling over at you she is probably interested. If she winks or raises her glass then she is gagging for it. Make a move.
Girls who appear deep in conversation, particularly if one is nodding and looking sympathetic, are to be avoided at all costs. One of them has just been dumped. Equally a couple of girls holding drinks and scanning the room are fair game.
Assuming that you both manage to get talking interest will be established very quickly. (Speed dating is 3 minutes for a reason.) Despite this interest you still HAVE to find out if the bloke is attached very early on in the conversation. Do not assume just because he is chatting you up he is single.
Guys, any excuse by the girl that she has to re-join friends, get a drink or go to the loo is a pretty good sign she is trying to move on and not with you. When I get talking to a guy I like, all friends vanish, I exist on moisture from the atmosphere and would rather fit a colostomy bag under the table than visit the bathroom.
Key signs a girl is interested: ( body language tends to be similar for both sexes )
She will start using your name - repeatedly.
Major hair flicking and lip licking will commence. ( not in a lizard manner )
She will start touching your arm or playfully slapping you when you say something cheeky.
She will start playing with her drink in such a way that you will wish you were the glass.
Her voice and laugh will become more girlie and flirty.
If she is wearing a necklace or top with buttons she will start fiddling with them ( same as framing by guys ). She is trying to attract attention to her cleavage. As if a guy needs any encouragement in this area!
She will try and establish where you are have been and where you are going for the night.
She will check out your shoes.
She will be very reluctant to introduce you to friends.
When she does eventually go to the bathroom she will return with a heady sent of perfume and enough lipstick to paint the golden gate bridge.
Girls, assuming you do end up chatting to a guy you really like one key rule applies.
If you like him sleep with him.
If you really like him don’t.
I don’t care what guys say. If you wake up beside them the next morning, irrespective of how much / little you have done, part of their brain thinks you are an “easi-single�?.
So, why on earth would a bloke bother buying the cow if they are getting the dairy products for free.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
March 23rd, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Excellent post.
Isn’t it funny the things we do?
March 23rd, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Thank Sassy. I know we are our own worse enemy, well I am!
March 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Sound advice, flirty; it took leaving the country for me to realise all this, especially about the shoes, 5% of my annual budget is now alotted to same, even in times of steady coupledom.
March 23rd, 2007 at 8:19 pm
L’hilarious.
I’m married two and a half years now… I think… and I still find your stuff essential reading. Don’t ever change, baby!
March 23rd, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Ah well now you are in Paris, you know the crucial importance of shoes. If you were in Italy it would be around 20% and you would have to get a matching man bag.
March 23rd, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Sweary, what the hell are you doing here! Your reputation will be in tatters. I promise not to tell anyone you stopped by.
March 23rd, 2007 at 9:08 pm
You need to make eye contact and give a big smile up to 3 times before a guy notices you are checking him out>>>
Oh holy fuck, no wonder I’m single.
I’m so shy with boys that if the barman hasn’t got a hump I can barely look even him in the eye. God.
March 23rd, 2007 at 10:06 pm
“Why on earth would a bloke bother buying the cow if they are getting the dairy products for free.”
Lollerskates
March 23rd, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Where do you come up with this shit. You and Sweary are funny women, and that’s really really rare.
I am really curious to see what you look like.
March 24th, 2007 at 9:55 am
I really wish I wasn’t up this early on a Saturday - bloody sunshine!!!!
Spinsterella :-)Ah, it can’t be that bad. What happened with the guy at work?
Annie, I think that line is older than me, but still good!
Blarney, in my case you are laughing at me, not with me unfortunately.
I told you I look just like Nicole Kidman and you look like a small cartoon boy.
March 24th, 2007 at 11:39 am
I think thats you best blog yet!!!!
March 24th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Thanks! patterntastic - trust you will apply all logic when going out ?
March 26th, 2007 at 11:09 am
Why did I not know all these things forty years ago?
Why am I not thirty years younger?
March 26th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
GD - you have the tricks as you met and married a wonderful woman.
As my friends regularly point out, getting relationship advice from a single person like me is like asking the Dalai Lama for sex tips.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Funny women are “really really rare” Blarneyman? I don’t think I can agree with that but maybe it’s rare that I’m fortunate enough to know gaggles of hilarious women. Granted, women who are as witty and incisive in print as Flirty are rare, but men that witty and incisive are just as rare, if not more so!
Keep up the good work madam- liking that “overfished pond” analogy a lot!
March 26th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Oh, that last anonymous comment was by me- I don’t like to leave things anonymously, ’twas an accident..
March 26th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Zita you are very kind. Luckily for me all my friends are way funnier than me so I just take all their best lines and put them in print!
Would love to find a funny bloke but still looking, a rare species.
March 26th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Great post! It took me until my early 30’s to understood how pathetic Irish women’s idea of flirting is, having spent my 20’s thinking women had absolutely no interest in me, as I had had zero eye contact from them over the years, and just assumed I was some sort of grotesque abomination. It was refreshing to go on a holiday to Spain and have direct contact and the occasional smile from half the girls on the street. It was literally only then that I realised that maybe it wasn’t me, it was the girls back at home in Ireland! The culmination of this understanding was one night out in a bar in Dublin; I recognised a friend I knew with some of her female friends, waved at her and made my way over. In the 30 seconds it took me to get across the bar, one of her friends had left the group and ran out the door. I asked my friend if I’d done something to upset her mate, to which she (in all seriousness) replied “she thinks you’re the one of the most attractive men she’s ever seen and she couldn’t handle the fact that you were on your way over to talk to us!” I was flabbergasted (not just at the way-over-the-top compliment - I’m far from beautiful!) as I’d met this girl on a few occasions in the past and had not an iota or clue of any admiration from her. She had never even spoken to me or made eye contact. Now, the girl wasn’t my type so I didn’t pursue it any further, but I couldn’t get over how unaware I’d been of her interest in me.
Even now, walking down any street in Dublin, the only eye contact I’ll get is from the Spanish and Italians I pass by and the occasional French or Scandinavian. Thank God for the Celtic Tiger and the influx of these friendly creatures! All a guy needs is a friendly and encouraging smile and some eye contact - it’s really not that hard!
March 26th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Flirty, long time reader, first (or second) time commenter. Those two posts were genius, pure genius.
Keep up the great work, your observations are spot on.
Must buy more shoes……….
(single male 30something member of the wild geese)
March 26th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Brian, as I have said many times before, Irish guys and gals are equally useless. If it wasn’t for drink we would never get it on.
Mal, thanks you are very kind. Hard to write what I think guys are thinking. Glad I am not too far wrong.
March 26th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
“guys thinking”???
Methinks you give us too much credit
March 28th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Top post!
You might find this complements your insightful analysis
http://www.yourdestinymagazine.ie/o%20god%20what’s%20wrong%20with%20irish%20men.html
Keep up the good work!
March 28th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Thanks Liam, will check out.