Mum has FINALLY decided to get rid of her car. Like a good Irish mother she has managed to replace the Punto with something even more rubbish – a Yaris. Not just any Yaris, but the 1 litre version. Well that’s not technically true it is 0.975 litres. Coco chewing turtles move faster than this car. In boxing terms it is in the “Fly Weight�? class, nearest competitors are an electric wheel chair and a golf buggy.
I am adopting a family of Kenyan runners who will sit in the back of the car at all times. When I need to do anything difficult like overtake or go uphill they can all get out and push – really fast.
Of course I know the real reason she has chosen this car:
Many years ago in an unfortunate incident the Punto got snapped speeding. My mother took the points on her license. She was of course driving at the time *cough, cough*. Mother was not particularly happy as she was Lady Captain that year.
She secretly feared that word would get out of her illicit activities and she would be stripped of her title. Now had she been caught running a drug smuggling ring using golf balls and the seniors annual mixed four-some trip to Spain you could perhaps understand her concern. But two points on a license?
Well she can sleep soundly in the knowledge that the Yaris will never, ever get done for speeding. Unless a camera is faulty. My limited street cred is of course destroyed, now that I have to cruise around in a sky blue souped-up golf buggy.
Irish mothers have long memories and a cruel sense of retribution.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:53 am
We used to have a Cinquecento when I lived back home. The slaggings still haunt me - the lads used to call it the “Cuntagetinta”.
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Kids can be so cruel - great name!
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:51 pm
You should get the Ethiopian runners instead - them lads would run all day and all night and unlike the car would never run out of power.
Why don’t you just build a chariot and hook them up to it instead? ‘Twould be better than the Yaris.
April 3rd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Dario, you are a genius. Bet I could get a state grant as well. Am off to investigate.
April 3rd, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I particularly hated my mum’s Fiat Panda. Whenever I (regularly) lost my house keys, it was easy to break into, but bitterly cold to sleep in. I think she bought it for that reason.
April 3rd, 2007 at 2:13 pm
NS - see Irish mothers, all the same!
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:17 pm
The Yaris isn’t that bad. For its day it was thought of as being very powerful for that particular size engine.
Granted I wouldn’t be seen dead in one. It and the Peugeot 206 are the ultimate “drop the two kids to school” car.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:39 pm
The Yaris is deaxy sexy compared to my car.
A micra.
And not one of the new ones either.
April 5th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Y - sadly beggars can’t be fussy in my case
S - used to have micra, think they are super cute!