Single guys in Ireland can be broken down into a few key categories. The most common is an A.R.S.E – A Rugby School Eejit. Think Ross O’Carroll Kelly in 10 years time. Key identifiers of an A.R.S.E are as follows:
A large dense mass, in more ways than one. Except what was muscle has now turned into soft doughy fat. Rugby jerseys are de-rigeur going out clothes. Mainly because there is little danger of the buttons popping after multiple pints.
Of course an ARSE doesn’t recognise he is fat. He thinks he is temporarily out of shape. Temporary meaning a time period in excess of ten years. He will regale you of tales of how fit he used to be, but sadly can’t play rugby anymore because of his knee (as opposed to the fact he’d drop with a coronary the second he had to run anywhere) but he is definitely going to the gym – next week.
Sometimes socialises in big gangs for the matches, when his married friends get ‘passes’. Firmly believes that he will never be ‘captured’ like his mates. Would probably like to meet someone, but just can’t imagine giving up ‘the crack’ that is Cafe en Seine, 3 times a week. Generally hangs out with one poor lonely gimp wing man, who has little chance of finding anyone. Particularly if he continues to hang out with ARSE.
ARSE goes out a few times a week, with the gimp, downing pints and trying out his lines on the ‘chicks’. Due to extensive practice he is generally pretty good at the chat-up, but then it’s hard not to be in the meat markets of Renards or Coppers.
However his track record is starting to decline as there seems to be less ‘chicks’ he fancies or they seem more interested in the chiseled Polish guys. If unsuccessful at scoring he can generally be found in a fast food establishment at the end of the night. Abrakebra is full of ARSE’s at 3am.
If he is a rich ARSE he will be living in a place that his dad bought for him in his 20’s. It won’t have been done up since then and the sofa is so beer soaked that Guinness think they may have discovered a new form of yeast. A working ARSE will still be renting ( can’t waste valuable beer money on a mortgage ), generally with guys that are around 10 years younger than him. He will try and score their female friends, who are horrified by the fat older guy hitting on them. Both types of ARSE will have flat screen TV’s, a very expensive stereo, and bed clothes with cartoon characters.
The only thing worse than being an ARSE, is being someone who fancies an ARSE.
P.S. Thanks for all the comments and advice yesterday. No update on Sherman yet.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
May 24th, 2007 at 9:28 am
Brilliant. I know him!
May 24th, 2007 at 9:39 am
hilarious!! theres far too many ARSE’s in Cork too Flirty!! We have our own equivalent of the D4 head unfortunately..
May 24th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Flirty, at this stage I think 2 things re: Shermanator….
either he is too gutless to text/call / he reckons ur too good for him
or
He is playing it uber cool (according to him) and is gona wait til this evening or even Fri/Sat in which case u are busy all wk end!!
May 24th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Towny - beginning to think I have met them all, did you get a hotel?
Anon - thanks, they do seem to be taking over at the moment.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:46 am
Anon - Shermanator! LOL - On the beer tonight so have to delete number at 8pm, the ball is in his court.
May 24th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Flirty - No, boyf has decided to invite another couple who want to stay miles out of town (muppets)- i’ve handed it over to him to fek up! Humph, so much easier when i was single.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:15 am
Brilliant! ARSE is a perfect description of an ex boyfriend now running a bar in Athy!
P.S. If Shermanator doesn’t call it’s probably because he’s decided he was gay.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Towny - bugger, hate when that happens. Beacon in Sandyford not bad, near Luas and Dundrum church of commerce. At least you have someone to blame now.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Anon - ex Arse is always the best type
I have a very unfortunate habit of turning straight guys gay so this would actually not be too shocking *mental note to do post*
May 24th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Flirty delete the number NOW girl..if its meant to be he will text/call…. the last thing u want is to contact him… so delete delete delete and at least u know he has the right number for u so no what if’s
May 24th, 2007 at 10:44 am
thanks flirty. bloody men, now they’re thinking of going to a pub people from roscommon go to…and the point in going away is? i may have to crack a skull - will you visit me in prison?
i think you should look for a new squeeze tonight…sherman is history
May 24th, 2007 at 11:11 am
OMG, surely the Shermanator himself isn’t going to turn out to be an ARSE? You did mention he was ‘well built’?
May 24th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Anon - will delete, promise!
Towny - check out bar in Dylan off baggot st or beer garden in Russell court hotel on harcourt street. New Shelbourne worth a one drink.
Cherry - prob of Sher being an ARSE very high. Although unlikely to ever confirm!
May 24th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Oh, don’t turn bitter Flirty. What’s the female equivalent? A Tick-Tock?
May 24th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Blarney - an A.O - Aching Ovaries
May 24th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
I’m afraid they exist over here too. I don’t know what I’d call them, but they have American football jerseys, a case instead of a six pack, and they give me the creeps.
I met a gorgeous Polish lad in London when I was there. Sigh…
May 24th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Blarney - as they say on the TV show, Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be bitter, very bitter.
Towny - you’re on form today!
Sassy - ah the Jock. Got to love the Polish, slight problem that the women are also gorgeous.
May 24th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
seriously?? I mean the Polish guys. You really think they’re cute and all that? God I haven’t dated a Polish guy in years and I am Polish. Flirty, trust me, they are not ready for you.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
can an A.R.S.E be divorced? maybe we could call them a double A.R.S.E or something. twice as bad because they’re still dellusional despite experience
May 24th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Oh, a perfect taxonomy of the ARSE.
Everyone knows this branch of the bachelor. Sorry the tank guy turned out to be one, Flirty.
May 24th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Im curious as to how to start a blog… dont worry flirty it would b a totally different type to yours…does it cost you anything… etc etc ive just no idea where to start???
May 24th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
A.R.S.E.D. = ARSE Divorced
Sherminator is looking suspiciously like an ARSE at this stage. The thing about big strapping lads in Dublin is that there aren’t enough to go round and too many women like them. Treat BSLs as if you like them (not REALLY like them) and take them home straight away. Scientific studies have proven that BSLs are best for one night stands, and more petite lads are better for long term relationships.
Despite the above rant I hope I’m proved wrong and that Sherminator calls Flirty Something!
May 24th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
we’re like Darwin, recording the various species or whatever it’s called
May 24th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Heh - double arse, twice the cheek.
May 24th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
A quote from your last post
“During my early 20’s I was drawn to small fat bald guys – don’t ask”
could it be possible that you actually got mixed up with an ARSE in your cloudy past ……..
May 24th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
SPOT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have just described an ex of mine down to a T. Brilliant.
May 24th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Ladies - never knew there were so many ARSE options
DD - my entire past is one ARSE after another.
LG - ah, not just an Irish thing.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:09 am
Would it not be funny next time you’re dancing with an ARSE - cheek to cheek presumably - that you then ask the Gimp out. Date for spite, not for the inside of a rugby jersey.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:26 am
Met the prince of ARSES once in a pub in West Cork. I was with my daughter and this ARSE kept staggering over to us and insisting he was “Man enough for both of us.”
We would have been insulted if he was even 10% presentable. As it was we thought that his ARSE was probably better looking than his face and I finally cowed him with a
“Go away now and behave yourself”.
May 25th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Eolai - love the way your mind works
cheek to cheek - lol
WWW - cringing as I read, but love your put down.
May 25th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Flirty:
Is it ok to be oldish and interested in rugby? And also interested in going out and having fun and laughing and stuff?
Just trying to clarify - is rugby the problem or just being a knob-head?
May 26th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Bock - being a knob head is generally the issue, but for some reason rubgy seems to attract a disproportionate amounts of eejits.
Dare I even ask how pissed you are about the election results?
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:23 pm
[...] I launched myself on the guy trying to get served beside me (not literally). He appeared to be from ARSE pedigree, but not fully feldged. Now although he wasn’t drop dead gorgeous he did have the most [...]