In the instant it takes me to send an email confirming a task it seems to vanish from my memory banks. So when I wandered off to bed on Friday night, a little the worse for wear, I was oblivious to my weekend arrangements. The next morning, alone and dazed I woke to some random buzzing.
After some hunting I realised it was the front door, which I then opened. In front of me was a mass of black. Tipping my head back I realised that a neck and head were attached to the barrel of a chest in a black t-shirt. He introduced himself as Larry the Locksmith ( or similar ). I had told the management company that I would be available on Saturday morning to get the kitchen lock fixed (see ‘Home Alone’ post). Sadly I didn’t remember this when choosing my bed-wear on Friday night or opening the door the next morning. Hence I was wearing a very tiny vest top with ‘I’ve Been A Very Bad Girl’ across the front and on the back of my briefs were the slightly larger instructions of ‘Spank Me’.
As there is a mirror positioned at the back of the hall facing the door Larry got the full impact. I was getting the distinct impression from Larry’s roving eye/s that he thought this maybe an invitation. Things were rapidly turning into the plot of a bad, or depending on your perspective, good porn movie. Larry even had a tool belt and seemed to be under the impression that he might get to use the tradesman’s entrance.
Slamming the front door I politely instructed him to wait while I ran into my bedroom and put on every item of clothing in my wardrobe. Five minutes later I waddled back to the door and pointed him towards the offending lock. Naturally I hid in my room until he was finished. Typical, the one time I get a handy man and I’m not even prepared!
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
July 9th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Oh Christ, that’s funny. It sounds like you were perfectly prepared, though. If you wanted to star in a porn flick, that is.
Hee hee.
July 9th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Oh yeah, sure, that’s the way it ended.
(((((( thoughts )))))
I like my ending better!
July 9th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Sassy - all very debbie does dallas!
Sixty - he seemed to like my end
July 9th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
LOL
July 9th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
I don’t believe you had such highly suggestive messages on your routine nightwear - you’re making it up Flirty. But the real question is - why didn’t you take advantage of the opportunity? Or was he as ugly as sin? (For some reason you don’t mention his physical attributes)
July 9th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Nick - I have an underwear fetish so the collect is extensive. bloke was actually very cute but was all too porn movie to progress.
July 10th, 2007 at 3:12 am
Nick, I think we need pix, what?
July 10th, 2007 at 7:03 am
The poor man.
July 10th, 2007 at 9:03 am
sixty - never going to happen
Primal - ah jasus, it wasn’t that bad
July 10th, 2007 at 9:31 am
hilarious. one is never prepared for such occasions. you must purchase some “there’s a pretty handyman at my door” outfits!!
July 10th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Did you not tell him you had to baste yourself with butter to get out of the kitchen?
July 10th, 2007 at 10:22 am
“..had a tool belt and … under the impression that he might get to use the tradesman’s entrance.”
Fantastic description. Between the kitchen hatch episode and this you may need to change site again.
At least he didn’t misinterpret the signals.
July 10th, 2007 at 10:53 am
Hang on…a ‘very cute’ tradesman, some ’spank me’ knickers and an empty house? Who are you and what have you done with Flirty????
July 10th, 2007 at 11:48 am
If true, you have the worst taste in bedwear possible. Very frank of you to admit to a submissive spanking fetish though.
Tradesman’s entrance?. The front door would have had to have caved in first….
July 10th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Hillarious. Loving the pjamas.
Just to let you know I’ve nominated you for a Rockin’ Girl Blogger award due to your great humour and writing ability. As a bonus the award is pink.
July 10th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Towny - could get some made up.
Conan - not sure this would have helped the situation
73 - is getting a bit pervy, will revert to normal service soon.
cherry - lol, fair point.
yorkie - no spanking fetish that I am aware of
July 10th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I could knit you some - something natty and eyecatching. I’m scaring myself now.
July 10th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I think you should get the HANDYman back, just in case any more of your locks need his handiness
July 10th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
For “I hid in my bedroom” should we read “I waited in my bedroom” ????
July 10th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Have you ever seen ‘Edward Scissor Hands’? There’s a floozy character in it, you know the one with the bouffant red hairdo? Why am I suddenly thinking about her?
July 10th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
for ‘kitchen lock’ should we read ‘a good seeing to’?
July 10th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Tell me you had 70s wah-wah guitar music on the stereo at the time…
July 10th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Towny - another knitted man!
Amy - I have a girl who can do that.
NS - what are you trying to imply?
K8 - no idea
73 - am getting worried at your line of thought.
JC - believe it was Je t’aime?
July 10th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
YOU’RE worried. I’m shivering here in anticipation of the next posting. Ooooh, the thought of it!!
July 10th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Larry Larry Larry Doh.
July 10th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Mmmm, toolbelt. . . I’m sorry, this made you get dressed? I cannot relate.
July 11th, 2007 at 8:56 am
That felt made up. You’re such a liar, Flirty. ;-p
July 11th, 2007 at 11:08 am
This is one of the reasons I could never be a handyman.
Imagine avoiding eye contact with an attractive woman only to be confronted with a puzzle over her shoulder of a couple of words backwards on her behind. Ess, pee, aah, I’ve got it!
July 11th, 2007 at 11:52 am
heheh I love it - that certainly made his weekend I’m sure
July 11th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
73 - normal service has returned, kind of.
Fidel - ?
Fiona - not one of my better days.
Blarney - how can you say such things, haven’t you read my motto
Eolai - assume he could read backwards or just enjoyed the view, not sure which.
Con - it has been a week of humiliations. so no change.
July 11th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
[...] handyman came to fix a broken door but got a lot more than he was expecting when he called to Flirty’s [...]
July 11th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Come on flirty, we need details. Was larry hot? or not?
July 11th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
LG - larry was v cute, had fab blue eyes and great bod, sadly he insisted on talking which ruined everything!
November 7th, 2007 at 3:08 am
[...] all the details here [...]