Well I was out and about last night, as you do on a Wednesday and I came across the most delightful boy; a big strapping lad, nice and chunky, just the way I like them. However his most impressive feature was his captivating brown eyes. Now they weren’t that crappy cheap Easter egg chocolate brown. No, they were deep Belgian 85% cocoa brown. Were it possible to lick them I probably would have. He couldn’t have been more attractive if were in fact covered in chocolate, but that would have totally blown my Weight Watcher points for the day.
Sadly like many things in life there was a but(t) that would rival Mary Harney’s derrière. He was American. Now I like American guys and have dated a few. In my experience they always treat women pretty well. Some of them are of course complete b*stards but at least they are bastards with manners. Chuck had impeccable manners. The only issue was the conversation. No matter how much I babbled on in my Irish twang and cultural references I couldn’t knock a smile out of him. Equally his frat stories were completely lost on me. We were separated by a common language. It was heartbreaking.
So, as the lights flashed last orders and I drained my G&T it became clear that even with his Belgian 85% cocoa brown eyes I still couldn’t f*ck Chuck. Did I make the right decision?
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
July 19th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Yes, right decision, if he has no real interests outside his fratboy culture.
July 19th, 2007 at 11:02 am
If his name really was Chuck then you were absoluely right. It’s along the lines of Brad, Todd, Chip and so. Only works if you’re a porn star. Go for a good ole irish lad Flirty
July 19th, 2007 at 11:58 am
It’s better to have lusted and left, than woken up next to a nerd. But if he’d called me ‘Ma’am’, it’d have been a tough call. Never could resist that.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde.
I’d say you did the right thing.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Absolutely the right decision.
They have a sneaky habit of invading you when you least expect it, and then they don’t pull out for years.
Anyway they can’t spell properly.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Conan - ah but the eyes
Con - would if I could find one!
NS - had it been from the south, resistance would have been futile.
Trev - knew I nicked that line from somewhere.
GD - lol, would weclome an attack.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Good move, Flirty. Or non move. If he’s anything like an American girl I knew (biblically) he’d probably have done a running commentary and bark instructions every few seconds. A sort of a Barbara Cartland - Drill Sergeant cross.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
yep, i reckon it was the right decision. If it ain’t there at the very beginning then it never will be. where do they get these names from - i knew an American called Chet once - what kind of a name is that?
July 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Primal - very frightening, orders!
Towny - could be worse, they could all be called Sean
July 19th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Either swear of don’t swear. Unless of course b*stard is different to bastard, as in B*witched and Bewitched.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Yes Flirty you beat me to it. They could all be called Sean. How about Josh? Good name as in “hustle Josh, hustle!”
If you did manage to bed him, he might have been a woodchuck.
July 19th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Oooh I’m a sucker for the brown eyes too. Not sure I would have been able to resist.
July 19th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
oh girl you so made the right decision..sounds dull as dishwater!! Looks unfortunately only go so far!! U wouldnt be long getting bored of those belgian choc eyes with a personality liek that and how could u stick the twang???
July 19th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Blarney - sorry I just can’t bring myself to do it.
73 - lol
Newbie - took all my courage.
Sarah - like the twang just couldn’t handle the frat stories.
July 19th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Well it depends whether you just wanted a quick seeing-to or whether you wanted a Serious Relationship. Though even the QST could have been unbearable with the constant frat stories counterpoint. Certainly no hope for a relationship if you’re getting tennis match instead of joint endeavour. And a shared SOH is an absolute must.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Jaysus, it was only a ride. Why so serious? You fancied him, I presume he fancied you. Stop searching for perfection and letting life pass you by! You should be keeping him too busy to be saying much anyway.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I would have done the same thing…
But it’s true what you say, American guys lay the world at your feet. It’s pretty amazing.
July 19th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
lenfercest: lay it at your feet, then invade you if you don’t take it, establish military bases and deny it was about oil in the first place.
Brian: how did you know about my 20s??
July 19th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
73man: yeah, that was pretty much my experience, too. But it started out nice.
July 19th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
But what if it was Good Luck Chuck? You could have missed the opportunity of a lifetime.
http://www.lionsgate.com/goodluckchuck/
July 19th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
American men may treat women better, but its also true american women are better looking than Irish women.
July 19th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Nick - glad not just me.
Brian - fair point
Len - amazing difference.
73 - now, now, no america bashing.
NS - how weird, no sadly.
Blarney - yeah if you like all that artificial stuff
July 20th, 2007 at 3:07 am
You should have fucked chuck just to see if he could stop talking shite for five..or maybe at least two minutes.
July 20th, 2007 at 7:24 am
Let’s be fair to the Yanks: the problem wasn’t really that he was American but that he was a fratboy. Irish fratboys (I’m thinking rugger-buggers) rarely tend to be any more dazzling company.
July 20th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Hmmm… tis hard to turn down a find strapping lad with lovely eyes. And a shag’s a shag. But my American fling turned into a scary stalker-type so as they’d say themselves, “don’t go there girlfriend”…
July 20th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Steph - 2, oh dear, would hardly be worth it.
Sean - true.
Caro - oh well, will never know.
July 20th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
There’s nothing wrong with Irish frat boys, in fact its a well know fact taht Miss Flirty has a bit of a soft spot for us (see how polite we can be too). Now if I was to take a guess, I’d say it was not his banter that was the problem but his lack of respect for Miss Flirty’s presumably fabulous chat.
July 20th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
or miss flirty’s presumably fabulous chest!!!
July 20th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Oh God, yes, the right decision. Sense of humour trumps gorgeous Green & Blacks 70% cocoa eyes any day. I mean, there’s only so much ’special cuddling’ (Motherly euphemism) you can do. And then what?
July 20th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
What the hell? I’ve got a US flag.
July 20th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
If you fancied bedding something that doesn’t smile at your words you could always shag a large piece of chipboard.
In the opinion of American Hell you cleverly avoided death by chocolate eyes.
July 20th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
10 - well I am shamed!
Paul - not after the leakage incident.
Cherry - special cuddling, lol
Eolai - death by chocolate, brillant ( as ever )
July 20th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Ahh Ma’am you misunderstood my meaning. What I meant to say was: a man not being able to engage in chat has never been too high an barrier to cross for most women (we’d have a population crisis overwise), but a man who makes the mistake of not laughing at her witty banter is going to be a very single man…
July 20th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
10 - ok then, I think?