Very upsetting experience this morning. Hopped out of the shower - I like to challenge myself early in the day with some physical dexterity tests. Headed into the kitchen to make some tea and as I passed the mirror in the hall I saw a horrible sight – a massive hairy pussy. Now I know the urban myth about these things, but you never expect it to happen at such a young age. But there it was in front my eyes. Unsurprisingly I was shocked and upset. The natural questions were asked, how the hell had that happened and what could I do about it.
I made the usual shooing noises, but to no avail. The cat just stared at me with a look of total feline disdain. How the hell it had got inside my 5th floor apartment was beyond me. Do they have a Santa for sad single women that delivers cats when you have reached some magical spinster age? Eventually after much screaming that I was too young to have a cat it made a break for the window that was slightly ajar and disappeared over the balcony to the apartment next door. Perhaps there was another single woman in there that it needed to freak out.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
July 20th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Ring someone on Meteor - they can always find another one. Get her a wittle boyfwiend.
(See how I was able to refrain from the obvious lewd remarks! I surprise even myself sometimes).
July 20th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
oh. THAT kind of hairy pussy.
I was going to ask “what’s so wrong with that?”
July 20th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Primal Sneeze has set a high standard.
“a massive hairy pussy.”
Ah fuck it.
July 20th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Primal - well done you (blue moon)
Fran - it was a very fat cat.
60 - standards are there to be lowered.
July 20th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
Poor little cat, it was just looking for some company and had no idea you would give it the brush off because of middle-age spinster phobia. I hope your next door neighbour is more friendly. That is if it actually reached the apartment next door and didn’t go sailing over your 5th floor balcony. My heart goes out to Tiddles, you meanie you.
July 21st, 2007 at 10:48 am
I haven’t received the spinster cat yet but will be blocking up my chimney, just in case.
July 21st, 2007 at 11:33 am
Nick - feeling no fat cat remorse, yet.
LG - block up the windows and doors, can’t take any chances
July 21st, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Just be happy they didn’t leave a little ‘gift’ behind for you
July 21st, 2007 at 6:51 pm
con - if there had been a gift it would have been dead cat.
July 21st, 2007 at 8:35 pm
“Do they have a Santa for sad single women that delivers cats when you have reached some magical spinster age?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Thats brilliant……
July 22nd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Well if there is a positive side to this it is that it has proved that you’re not yet at the adopting-cat-spinster stage.
Maybe you should deliberately leave windows open every now and again to test yourself regularly for this cruel disease that strikes so many women down.
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 am
Getting a cat is the thin edge of a very depressing wedge. (Although if you hate cats as I do, you can actually use them as a wedge!)
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:31 am
Maybe he was a cat burglar? Did you notice your DVD player tucked under one of his armpits (legpits)?
July 23rd, 2007 at 11:04 am
I tawt I taw a puddy tat! I did I did I did see a puddy tat!
Poor cat, you probably gave it an awful fright.
The girl in the apartment next to mine is very attached to her neutered black tom. He got in through my window one day after being bribed with smoked salmon by a male friend so being visited by a cat isn’t necessarily a sign of spinsterhood. He tried to get in my window another day when I was on my own but thought better of it because his owner caught him “cheating on her”. Ever since then she’s been giving me dirty looks if she sees me in the lobby.
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Someone else recently blogged about their cat having disappeared on to a neighbour’s balcony… where it pooed to its heart’s content. Must try anr recall who it was.
July 27th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Well..how about that? I finally get around to linking you and you’re offski.
Best of luck anyway.