The second most dreaded holiday of the year is approaching, from a clothing perspective – skiing. Trying on ski gear is trumped only by bikinis for inducing depression. When I put on Salopettes my legs always look like 2 giant Clonakilty Puddings, particularly when compared with the ski bunny girls who wear Lycra gear so tight you could count their body hair, if they had any.
Men of course manage to look much more attractive in their ski gear. During a lesson last year I was with this tall, ski tanned bloke with black spiky hair and super cool gear. Later that night, one of guys beside me at diner started chatting away. He had balding brown hair, northern European blue skin, was average height and wearing a brown, ribbed, zip-up cardigan. I was curious why he was so familiar until he mentioned how much he enjoyed skiing with me. The Connect 4 line joined in my mind.
Turns out the black spiky hair was a “fun� ski hat (I blame snow blindness) his skin appeared tanned because of the tint in my ski goggles and the height was due to massive boots and bindings. I could have forgiven almost everything about his off slope look - except the cardigan.
I now know how guys feel when they wake up in the morning to discover the stunner they met the previous evening is more Bett Lynch than Pamela Anderson. A woman can be a crafted artifice of fake hair, nails and eyelashes combined with skillful make-up and Houdini underwear that makes parts of the body appear and disappear at will.
The same level of attractiveness can be achieved with far less effort and cost by alcohol. A girl that is a 5/10 at 9pm will be 7/10 by midnight and 9/10 at 3am, but a bloke will only increase by around 1 point irrespective of alcholol consumed by the female. Proving that women should be buying men a drink if they want to score and not the other way around!
So as long as everyone is good and drunk at the ski resort no one will care what I look like in my ski gear. I suspect it was a women that invented Apres Ski !
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
January 10th, 2008 at 11:25 am
where u headed? im just bk from Andorra
January 10th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Sarah - off to austria, what was snow like in Andorra?
January 10th, 2008 at 11:31 am
lol, clonakilty puddings hehehe. I’d like to go skiing, but i am also worried about the whole fashion thing . . being somewhat portly myself.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I’ve never tried skiing- I’m prone to breaking limbs doing the most unsporty of things so odds are I’d do a lot of damage to myself on a slope. I do like the idea of sipping mulled wine in a chalet surrounded by snow though…enjoy yourself whatever the outfit
January 10th, 2008 at 11:47 am
For those us who rate Black Pudding as food from the heavens, your description of yourself as an all-day breakfast on skis is downright lip-licking.
January 10th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Towny - don’t worry, we’re all in the same boat!
Red - wine idea also a great plan
eolai -all day breakfast, lol
January 10th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Don’t worry about the Salopettes, they have a gathered waist so in my book they’re fattering! But if you really hate ‘em, get snowbaording pants.. they’re supposed to look massive
(I just blame the ass padding in them for my larger-than-life rear on the piste!)
GAME ON for the snow season!
January 10th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Now there’s a freudian slip… obviously that last comment was supposed to say “flattering” - just get the snowbaord pants!
January 10th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I’ve never been skiing but been a ski widow more times than I care to remember.
Go to St Anton, apparently women are seriously in the minority there. But be careful -it’s full of Swedish schoolboys. You don’t want to be arrested for pulling a minor, even if he does look like Marcus Schenkenberg.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Amy - very freudian, lol
Epona - Next trip St Anton, I guess
January 10th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Hey, Flirt, what’s the problem with the zip-up cardie?
January 10th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
When you mentioned Houdini underwear I thought you meant hard to get out of. Probably that as well….
January 10th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
flirty there wasnt a whole lot now but i was a beginner so it was plenty for me! have a great time girl!!
there wasnt a single man in sight the wk we went it was so depressing at night and booring but it was just a bad wk , u’ll have a ball cant wait to hear all bout it!!
January 10th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Tony - what’s not the problem !
Nick - never died from trying to get out of underwear
sarah - hopefully will be more snow and men for me !
January 10th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Flirty, I couldn’t put it better meself, women really should spend more time buying blokes drinks
January 10th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Fascinating… I look forward to learning more about these “ski bunny girls who wear Lycra gear”. Feel free to include photographic evidence of this phenomenon!
January 10th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Hey Flirty…I’m thisclose to inventing my own ski version of ski spanks…do you think I’d get any takers?
January 10th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Ah, you are so right - tis super hard to look hot in ski gear. But booze is the answer, you’re right.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Paul - looks like we have no choice!
Anon - you’ll have to hit the slopes
IsIt - what do they look like?
LG - booze is generally the answer to most things
January 11th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
You’re showing your age Flirty! Cardigans are impossible to avoid in all the men’s clothes sections these days. Any young trend-follower worth his salt wouldn’t be seen without one.