Last Friday night I was enjoying a few quiet beverages with ‘The Vintner’. All was well until he suddenly adopted a very pale and pained expression. (Not an easy one to spot on an the Irish male). Following his line of sight I spotted a very stern looking female, with 1980’s bunny boiler red lipstick, marching our way. I haven’t felt such an urgent need to pee since St Ursula caught me trying to pierce my ear with a set of dividers. Before I could escape ‘The Boiler’ introduced herself with a firm handshake that made me very glad not to have testicles – the Vintner wasn’t so lucky.
I made my escape to the loo. When I finally returned The Boiler was gone and I naturally demanded the story. Apparently The Vintner met her around a year ago. He was drunk and she seemed pleasant, which shows how much alcohol impairs your judgement. They swapped numbers and arranged to meet up for dinner. A few days later on their dinner date and half way through the starter she asked the following:
“So where do you see this relationship going?� – Boiler
Well up until that point the poor Vintner wasn’t aware there was a relationship. Apparently this was to be one of the easier questions as she proceeded to interrogate him on past relationships, work income and attitude to children. At the end of the night he should have made it clear that they wouldn’t be seeing one another again, but in all honesty what would you have done?
Instead in true Irish male fashion he waited until the next day and sent a “I don’t think we should see each other again� text - big mistake. He was barraged with texts and calls for a week. He eventually gave in and spoke to The Boiler. Using a collection of the usual phrases ( right person, wrong time – not you, but me ) he politely tried to tell her the exact destination of their relationship - nowhere. She continued to call and text for ANOTHER 6 WEEKS. Foolishly he thought this might be the end of it and it was until he met her in the pub and had to have the SAME conversation again. This is one girl you don’t want on your Charades team.
On behalf of Mna na hEireann can I please make the following plea to women who just won’t take a hint - If he doesn’t return your texts or calls TRUST ME – HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. (check out the book and movie of the same name)
Yes I know you want closure and an explanation, but accept and respect that not everyone will feel or behave the way you want them to – it’s not personal, it’s just life. Hold your head high and MOVE ON – or at the very least delete his number and give the rest of us a chance.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
March 4th, 2008 at 11:41 am
lol. hilarious. some women seem to have no shame whatsoever do they. i’ve a friend that seems oblivious that her boyf is not into her at all - he sees her once every two weeks - er, hello wakey wakey!
March 4th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I think it would be really useful if someone set up a Boilers & Stalkers website where these types could meet and ‘date’ each other.
“Intensely posessive woman wants to meet obsessively intense man…” that kind of thing.
March 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am
This is one girl you don’t want on your Charades team.
Brilliant.
Conan’s idea is great too. “Aging ovaries seeks man with suitable income and high sperm count for procreative purposes”.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
But it is personal, no? Isn’t that the point of it?
Anyway, if I ever go outdoors again, and find myself walking away from somebody, be assured that it most definitely is personal.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I hate bunny boilers. I remember one guy, armed with only my first name and workplace, tracked me down more efficiently than a MI5 sniffer dog and rang me at work. When I gave a less than favourable response he sent me a very abusive email. People like him are a very good reason for bringing back the killer bunny disease, myxomatosis. They might get it too while they’re boiling the bunnies!
March 4th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Christ this post brings back bad memories from several years ago, those freaks of nature are beyond scary
I’m not normally a ‘business minded’ person but maybe Conan Drumm could be on to something there. I wonder how big the market could be…
March 4th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Towny - once every 2 weeks is not a boyfriend!
Conan - like your thought process!
Caro - we have a niche in the market.
Eolai - well kind of personal but not everyone can like everyone so you can’t take it TOO personally.
Epona - too freaky
Paul - am totally seeing a new business in this one.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
That’s it, isn’t it, they want closure and explanation but they’ve never going to get one (or not one that satisfies) because there’s really nothing to explain except that he ain’t got the hots for you. As you say, Flirty, if he’s not responding, he’s not interested. Cast your net in a different part of the river, madam.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Who the hell asks that on a first date? Or ever even? Hmmm…
On a sadder note, I am so bummed not to have met you on Saturday, although maybe I did… things are way fuzzy towards the end there, but I am sure I would remember a stunning Nicole Kidman lookalike!
March 4th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Poor girl, she sounds fairly troubled. Reminds me of the guy on the Late Late show “Singles” special a few weeks ago telling Pat the Plank about “the smell of desperation” up in Reynards. (Mind you, I thought neither him nor the pair of late thirty-something girls did themselves any favours - he was far too smart-arsed and they were far too uptight.)
Anyway, The Vintner should have known better than to go on a full-on dinner date for a first date. I wouldn’t do that until at least the 3rd date - far too much pressure. In fact, I don’t even like the word “date” - I usually just say something like “how about a casual meet-up for an hour after work on Tuesday? - we can hang out for a while over coffee”. Much less pressure on everybody, everyone’s relaxed and not so focused on impressing. Result? Everyone’s liable to have more fun (which is supposed to be the goal of all this dating stuff, isn’t it? I think a lot of people have forgotten that!)
March 4th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Well said! Even the shyest of men will call or at least ‘bump into you’ if they really like you. And it’s not just women who suffer from this. A male friend just keeps chasing these women who don’t bother to return his emails and texts - he just doesn’t understand that there’s probably little he can do - perhaps they just don’t like blondes, or they fancy big rugger buggers. Sometimes it just doesn’t click, and why would you want to be with someone who was just lukewarm about you anyway? Lucky escape I reckon!
March 4th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
You ever thought there was something about him that causes women to stalk him? Just a thought as someone I know was stepping out with a guy who’s ex was stalking him. This guy then dumped the person I know and they seem to be stalking him too now.
March 4th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Wow. Scary girl indeed.
I wonder if stalking ever works though? (girls like this have to have learned their behaviour somehow, surely?)
March 4th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
ironic that if she behaved more like the bunny rather than the boiler that she might not have to wait so long for that pot to boil…so to speak
March 5th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
oh oh!! Scary chick indeed. Also, the fact that she approached him when he was clearly with another woman….
March 5th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I’ve dated that lass. And her sister. And her mate.
It’s a very common phenomenon.
Some girls just won’t take no for an answer, which is ironic given how the same accusation is so often levelled at lads.
I had a stalker fly in from Liverpool, show up at my workplace, extract my home address from the receptionist on a spurious pretext, and camp outside the door for two days!
Thank fuck I was in Belfast that week. Can’t say my flatmate was chuffed answering the door on an hourly basis to an increasingly frantic kerazee woman though.
March 7th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Some people just like to take umbrage. Like a hobby. Feeling insulted makes them feel whole or something.
I was really disappointed not to have met you last weekend. I missed K8 and a bunch of others too. The night passed much too quickly. Next time, though.