‘The Maven’ has been out of action as he recently became a Daddy, but he did drop me a text suggesting lunch as he had a business proposal for me, which is a pleasant change from his usual indecent ones. I guess I am getting old!
We did the normal Dylan on a Friday afternoon. Over lunch he explained that his jet setting life isn’t compatible with raising a child. Luckily I have the relevant time and experience to help him out, so I am the perfect Paternity cover - welcome to modern Ireland!
We were still trying to agree terms when lunch-a-deux quickly became drinks-a-dix as the usual suspects started arriving. Things were getting a bit crowded when ‘The Maven’ called yet another person over to join us – ‘Undumpable Dave’. I haven’t seen him since he got engaged over 8 years ago. We dated very briefly in my 20’s, but not as briefly as I would have liked. He got his name from being English aka Dave and Undumpable, because he was. We had many long painful conversations about how things weren’t working out, he would nod earnestly and agree then appear again the next day as if nothing had happened – generally with tickets for a weekend away.
When we finally managed to break-up for good he very quickly got a new girlfriend, whose most likable quality was her intense jealously. Unsurprisingly I never heard from him again – proving that one woman’s trash is indeed someone else’s precious.
Eight years later you can imagine my shock to see him approaching. When ‘The Maven’ realised how I knew ‘Undumpable Dave’ he decided there wasn’t space on the sofa for 2 ex-boyfriends.
“Will I fit in there� - Undumpable Dave, pointing at the dramatically reduced space since The Maven spread himself out.
“Not sure, it’s a bit of a squeeze� - The Maven
“Don’t be silly he’s been in much tighter places than that� - I VERY loudly replied.
This pretty much set the tone for the rest of the night with ‘Undumpable Dave’. A few hours later he was insisting that I fly over in his jet to watch the rugby match in London. (He works in Shopping Center Developments, so the last few years have been very good to him.) As I had parted company with common sense after the 3rd Mojito, this seemed like a terrific idea. Until the next day……………..
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
March 25th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
God, haven’t we all had an Undumpable Someone at one time or another? Some people just never get the message that they’re not flavour of the month. Or even flavour of the year. Mind you, who’d turn down a private jet? Unbelievable luxury and pampering, so I’m told. I await developments!
March 26th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I remember my undumpable ex shudder! he followed me everywhere on his pushbike (we were 16). A jet though, really, i wouldn’t turn that down either. is there a minibar?
March 26th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Nick - it ain’t all that!
Towny - oh well at least you were in your teens. Not exactly a mini bar!
March 26th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
His own jet? Jaysus. Are you sure he was that unbearable?
March 26th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Where do you find all these people with private jets? And can i come and hang out there?
March 27th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Sweet Jesus mojitos have got me into more messes than I’d care to count… and yet I keep coming back for more.
March 27th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Concerning your photo (very enchanting) I need glasses to see clearly, am well able to drink, and can arrange to be found in a darking room, squinting. Although I think I’d prefer to see you first with the lights on, but we can do it your way (the things I do for women …). Love, Cormac.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Caro - you can only spend so long in the air
Jayne - any bar in Dublin at the moment
Con - got to love them
Cormac - Best offer I’ve had all day
March 30th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
LOL. I have plenty of Undumpable Daves, they’re like sticking plasters aren’t they! Poor you, I guess you’re stuck with him for another number of years….!
