A little confusion on my last post - not unusual. The birthday was actually not mine, ( I am still clinging to my mid 30’s for dear life) but rather a friend known as ‘The Devil Hunter’, so called for her criteria for finding a man, which revolves around three 6’s:
6 figure salary
Over 6 ft
Owns house in or near Dublin 6
(he also has to be good looking, funny, generous, thoughtful and faithful)
Most crucially he must challenge her. I have tried on numerous occassions to tactfully point out that finding such a a man is the challenge enough. Even if he did exist, I’m guessing that he will be aiming for someone a little younger, who isn’t reproductively challenged, with a 36 – 26 – 36 figure and an IQ less than the sum of her parts.
I can understand why some blokes, particularly the successful ones, don’t want a challenging career women. These guys spend most of their days at work ensuring that they are the shafter not the shaftee. After a day of that who wants to come home and hear about their partners corporate woes? Wash away the new man’s ‘Nivea Visage Skin Repair Cream’ and you’ll find a guy who longs to come home to a clean house, dinner that doesn’t end with a ping, served by someone who isn’t wearing fleece jim jams and slippers, because they’ve been stuck in a suit and heels all day. You can cry foul all you want but it is no co-incidence that all the girls that I know who have married well are teachers or similar while all the uber career women are resolutely single.
Perhaps it is time to give up the Chick lit dream of having it all - if it were possible the genre would be listed under non-fiction and probably not sell as well. Accept the independence and challenge that a successful career offers you, but appreciate it can come with a personal price. After all, if your job is really that fulfilling and takes the bulk of your time and energy then you probably don’t want or need a man anyway.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
April 7th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
For quite a while, I always used to say that I only went for guys under 25 in both age and BMI (and with an IQ of at least five times that), but my advancing years have forced me to move the age goal-post slightly…
April 7th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
That last sentence is somewhat controversial
April 7th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
When I was living with my friend David in Iceland and he was out of work, we came to an agreement that he would cook and clean etc and I would cover the rent for a while.
Every day when I got home he was baking fresh bread, cooking a big pot of stew, and the house was warm and cosy and tidy. It was just the nicest thing in the world. I can totally understand why guys would want a wife to do this stuff too. I think eventually I’d like a house-husband.
April 8th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Good post - interesting topic. I can see both sides of the argument!
If you’re one of those uber successful women then you’re accustomed to getting what you want - and are unlikely to settle for less.
On the other hand, I can definitely understand the appeal of having a wife who’ll sort the home and the admin - it makes your time at home full of pleasure rather than full of shared chores. But it’s a huge leap of faith to go from being an independent person to being a dependent wife. And let’s face it, wives who are at home all day do have to make an effort to find things to talk about other than poo/little johnny which I imagine gets a bit wearing if you’re an alpha male.
April 8th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Personally I would happily trade the corporate suit for an apron… but then again I’ve accidentally done quite well for myself without being all that ambitious, so I guess being successful at what I do was what I was up whilst waiting for Mr. Right!
As John Lennon said “Life is what hapens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
I’m ready for the next challenge!
April 8th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Rob - if i move the goal posts any more it will be water polo
Kir - oh well no point being boring!
Annie - I am loving the house husband idea
LG - that’s when they get a mistress and she starts shagging the gardener
Amy - is that an Avoca apron
April 8th, 2008 at 10:02 am
You’ve made an excellent point Flirty. I agree that it’s nice for the hunter-gather-corporate warrior to come home to the combined smell of Chanel No. 5 and bread freshly baked by a young compliant wifey-wifey in a belted 50s dress, fluffy high-heeled slippers and Cath Kidston apron. It goes without saying that the house is gleaming and you could eat your dinner off the kitchen floor.
However, that fantasy is just as much out of reach for the average man as Mr 666 is for the average woman. In most cases it takes two salaries to pay the mortgage so both partners must work full-time. Hence BOTH partners come home stressed and harrassed. They are forced to choose between spending free time on housework and grocery shopping or on nookie.
Only the very rich can afford to let one partner off the full-time day job hook and play housewife/househusband. The rest of us have to live with the not so glamorous reality.
I suspect that The Devil Hunter needs to get her head out of the chick lit and into the CO2 soup generated by commuting couples on the M50 who are working their asses off to pay off the 100% mortgage on a three-bed semi in Ongar.
April 8th, 2008 at 10:14 am
I have to say I know plenty of single 30-something teachers and nurses too.
I read somewhere recently that according to the last census there were 55,000 single women in Ireland aged 35-45 but only 45,000 single men in the same age bracket. (Numbers and ages may not be absolutly accurate). Demographics are the problem!
April 8th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Epona - very valid point unless you nab one of the 35,000 millionaires in ireland
Eimear - would well believe the stats.
April 8th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
My partner is a career woman right now while I look after the house, the cars, the garden and the admin. Seems to work very well. But then we’re fortunate enough to no longer have a mortgage. Also she became a career woman some time after we met. Whether she would have looked twice at me if she was already career-bound is another matter.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
excellent post. i agree with you actually. i’m currently half of a couple that both work full time and i get the honour of running the house as well, usually all by myself. tis too too much at times. sigh. i’d jump at the chance of the apron and the fluffy slippers. i’d even promise to change out of the fleecy pyjamas just before he gets home. sigh
April 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
So there are 35,000 millionaires in Ireland. How many of these are female, how many are married and how many are male and single? You won’t get much change out of a million in Ireland if you’re looking for something better than a semi-d in the commuter belt. Even so, the cost of a semi-d in the commuter belt is beyond many of us despite the recent drop in house prices.
By all means aim for a millionaire if you’re a millionaire yourself. Those of us who aren’t millionaires and therefore don’t marry one will if we marry more than likely end up working full-time AND doing most of the housework.
This isn’t the first time I’ve read about the apron and slippers wifey-wifey fantasy. What has brought about this U-turn from the feminist ideal of women having their own careers, being financially independent and in control of their lives. Is a stay-at-home wifey-wifey who is financially dependent on her millionaire husband really a better role model than a woman who contributes 50% to the household?
What’s the odds on stiletto fluffy slippers for the new noughties stay-at-home wifey-wifey appearing in the autumn/winter 08 collections along with designer aprons and housecoats? What about a designer cat-o-nine-tails to enable the lord and master of the house to assert his authority more effectively? Black leather knee-pads for polishing the floor and apologising to the lord and master when his dinner gets burned? And a nice little patent chastity belt with built-in GPS linked to lord and master’s Blackberry to keep wifey-wifey in check just in case the Brazilian gardener starts getting ideas. Isn’t progress wonderful?
Remember the golden rule - those who make the gold make the rules.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I wonder has anyone out there got the perfect balance in their lives?I am currently staying at home to mind the kids.I keep myself going some days by reminding myself that my kids are only small once(and soon enough they’ll hate the sight of me anyway).Other days my hair can be found in clumps around the house as I tear at it in frustration.
April 8th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
A chastity belt with built-in GPS? Careful, Epona, you might give the guys out there some ideas….
April 8th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Only the very rich can afford to let one partner off the full-time day job hook and play housewife/househusband.
Sorry Epona but I HATE this sterotype. It’s such a crock. Us housewives are either so rich we can afford to stay home or single mothers sponging off the government. Yeah, maybe, but not always, some of us made a huge and very hard decision to stay home. In order for me to stay home we have had to sacrifice a LOT. We’ve only one car, which means I am even more isolated, we rarely go out, the kids do not get the latest and greatest. We choose to forgo some things we consider luxuries but many consider necessities in order to do what we think is best, for now. Sure there are lots of wealthy people who stay home because they can, but please don’t assume it’s true of everyone. I was the main breadwinner before moving back to Ireland, so this is REALLY hard for me. I miss all the luxuries, I miss the financial freedom, but ultimately my kids will be better off in the long run, or at least I hope so. I miss the challenge and motivation of my career, but frankly a three hour commute to Dublin twice a day and only seeing the kids on weekends when I am exhausted doesn’t appeal, and having grown up in a household where my Mother was always flying to China or Brasil or God knows where on business I know firsthand how hard it is on kids.
Sorry to go off tangent, but it just pisses me off to feel so undervalued as a member of society. Hell even the governement gives housewives less than half the tax credit their working sisters get. That says to me that they don’t value what I do. Fine Gael were going to make the credits equal had they won. Fianna Fail don’t seem to care, but I am guessing most of their wives aren’t big career women.
But I digress…
In an answer to the initial post I can’t help but notice a big cultural difference between here and in the states. I went to university in the states and it seemed that by the time most of us were done we had found life partners or did so shortly thereafter. Whereas here in Ireland the party years seem to continue long after university is done. I wonder do people start looking for the man too late? As a 28 year old married for almost six years and with two kids born in wedlock I find myself to be the exception to most rules here. All my friends back in the states are settled down, whereas people my age seem to be only concerned with the next piss up. Of course I am generalising, but it’s just something I find strange.
I too would love Annie’s ideal of a house husband. Excellent idea. Like Marge Simpson’s Pierce Brosnan House. *SIGH*
April 9th, 2008 at 9:30 am
If you think you are going to be happy with a guy who is threatened by your brillance , you are not going to be happy. Go for the dream and don’t settle for less. I am out there somewhere.
April 9th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Deborah
Irish people always married relatively late. This is because we like to be financially secure and own property before marrying. In the old days one or other partner had to own land before marrying, now couples like to own their own house before marrying.
I have noticed that Americans like to get women under wedlock and key as soon as possible (GPS enabled chastity belt optional!) preferably to a man at least 10 years older. Maybe this is a symptom of the feminist backlash - some of the best feminist writers were American. Where are they now?
Modern Irish society isn’t geared towards women staying at home - in most cases two salaries are needed to pay the mortgage. The “logic” behind FF’s thinking is that two working partners pay more tax and increase GDP which makes the country look good.
Even if you have to make sacrifices, you are extremely lucky to be able to stay home and spend time with your children. You were also lucky to be able to marry and set up house so young.
Irish women have high standards these days and if we miss getting a wedding ring on our finger because we held out too long then so be it. I don’t think the American trend of downdating (career women dating bums so as not to be single) will catch on here.
Go Flirty and don’t drop your standards!
April 9th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Deborah, I can really relate to what you’re saying as I’m a 27 year old, stay at home mother of two children (not born into wedlock but into an eight year relationship).We’re not well off at all,in fact we’re constantly broke.But I’m a great believer in the theory that the more money you have the more you will spend.Hence the fact my children’s allowance is always spent in an hour!I have never experienced a great career as I have stayed at home since I finished college two years ago but still find I miss meeting up with friends terribly.On the rare occasions we do meet up I can find myself feeling jealous listening to their fun and free lifestyles.But when our night outs are over I’m always glad to come home to my family as my friends disappear into taxis alone or with some dodgy looking fella.
I look at myself as someone who is growing up with their kids,when they are teenagers there won’t be thirty or forty year age gap between us and I’ll hopefully be able to relate to them.I’m not saying that having your kids young is for everyone but it has it’s advantages and I am certainly glad I had them when I did.
April 9th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Well haven’t I opened a can of worms.
April 9th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Mating worms by the looks of things and boy are they smug because they met Mr Right early in life!
They’ll be quoting the parable of the 5 wise bridesmaids and the 5 foolish bridesmaids next, substituting husbands and children for oil and lamps.
April 9th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’m just wondering, who feels more undervalued:
Stay at home housewives and mothers?
OR
Single women over 30?
Globally, women contribute more to society and work harder than men and that’s not taking childbearing into account. Why do we let ourselves be conned into thinking so badly about ourselves?
April 9th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Epona, you’re right. Where did this idea come from that whatever women are doing, it’s not enough and they should be doing more? It’s the Superwoman myth yet again.
April 9th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Epona - Smug eh? Well I sure didn’t mean to come across that way and there are certainly days I wonder if he is Mr. Right. I was simply wondering why people thought people start so late here - if you look back to your twenties were you even looking for “Mr. Right?” I know I certainly wasn`t. There’s really no need to get nasty or start with yet more gross, and in some cases downright bizarre, generalisations.
*Waves to Flirty* Will address this on the Avoiding Life blog… so much to say, but I think your poor post has been hijacked enough!
April 10th, 2008 at 1:19 am
I remember a C4 docu a while back on the myth of “having it all”. I’m sorry to say that I really don’t think it is possible. (And for me, that isn’t even complicated by a desire for kids.) Not with the way work is here - if you aren’t seen as “available” in your workplace, you will be passed over - at least in my working world. I genuinely do not know how a woman can “have it all”. Most of my friends would lean towards the career side, and those that haven’t have given up a job they liked/end up being sidelined in their job/drop down to a job which they would’ve scorned 10 years ago - which it would be a miracle if they clawed their way back up from, after the young ‘uns were older. Although I do think the Irish obsession with property owning does not help: lines the pockets of developers, over-inflates property prices, means that people work their arses off for a very basic house with a 1.5/2 hour commute, and for what? I’d rather rent and have quality of life. And while I would love a muscle bound chef who adores organising to come home to, I don’t think I could ever settle for someone who was not challenging and interesting and kept me on my toes (and my back!)
April 10th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Sheesh you’re right about the Irish obsession with owning property, that’s one of the reasons we marry and settle down relatively late.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
to open another can of worms. I think in general today in irish society people expectations on what you should “get” from life have gone through the roof, be it their car(s), house(s), holiday career and now husband(s)/wife(s) and in most cases its parents fueling this stupidity, not everyone is the next richard branson or Doris Fisher…. Im not suggesting people should “settle” but come on… I was out with my sister last week and this quote from an actuall conversation about why they cant find “mr right” both 30+ and single. “people are just too intimidated by how georgous you are” “god maybe your right” i nearly fell off the chair laughing…
April 10th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
To the writers at Dublin Opinion,
The Dubliner Magazine is working on a relationships, sex and dating issue to be published in the upcoming months. We are looking for articulate and opinionated Dubliners to offer some perspective on the subjects…
We would love to interview you and we would be happy to mention the Irish Flirty Something blog in the feature.
Please let us know if you’re interested,
The Dubliner Magazine
April 10th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
sorry about that…To the writers at Irish Flirty Something. We’re talking to the Dublin Opinion Blog too.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
666, eh? Well that rules me out on all three counts
I’ve always been of the belief that a challenging partner is the only way to go but that does, I think put me strictly in the minority…
April 14th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I really hope this isn’t Paul that comments here! (I used to go to school with his sister)
http://www.rte.ie/news/2008/0414/northviolence.html
April 15th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
i think you’re friend is in big touble if she is set on looking for mr 666…!!
god thats scary….there are 10,000 more single women in my age bracket…and i score 2 and a half out of 666….where the heck do they hang out…???
in my experience a lot of irish thirtysomethings are looking for too much….good to have standards but be reasonable…
i’d have no problem being a house husband…wld beat sitting in an office stressed out any day…!!
good blog though!!
April 17th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I think johnie hits the nail on the head here. My parents took their first foreign holiday when they were in their 60’s. Nowadays people are complaining if they can’t get away once a month.
Getting back to Flirty’s original posting, it reminds me of this Craigslist posting from a “spectacularly beautiful” girl looking for a rich man, and the subsequent response from a guy. http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/10/mr_500k.html