Long before Soduku came of age people would read ‘Ireland’s Own’ magazine and ponder over extreme close up photos of objects and suggest what they might be. No matter how exotic the answers like Space Ship or Volcano ( where ‘Ireland’s Own’ would have gone pictures of those in the 70’s is beyond me ) the solution was inevitably something more bland like a milk bottle top. Proving that sometimes life is a question of perspective – as I learnt this weekend – the hard way.
Out of boredom and curiosity I decided to get my bikini line Lasered. Why I would spend time and money on such a neglected area of my anatomy is puzzling, but to paraphrase Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams – “If I cut it, they might come”.
Now the beauty therapist gave me very clear instructions on what I needed to do prior to my first session; the night before I was to have a hot bath and shave the intended area into the desired pattern – how hard could that be? To settle my nerves before tackling the area with a sharp implement ( insert own joke about blunt ones ) I had a glass of wine – or 10. By the end of the night I was too cut to cut and instead decided to wait until morning. The next day hungover and late I attempted the job.
In the shower I made the appropriate motions with the Razor and although Pythagoras may not have vouched for the integrity, it seemed fairly decent to me, until I saw the therapist’s face an hour later – it was a cross between horror and awe. Unsure of what the etiquette is in these situations, maybe that is the correct expression, I questioned if everything was ok – down there.
“Is that the shape you want” - Therapist
“Yes I think so – why?” me, wondering if I should have gone for something more exotic - like a Dolphin.
“Well it’s a little unusual” - Therapist
“Really, I thought it was pretty standard?” - me, instantly abandoning the Dolphin idea
“Perhaps you want to look at it again - from this angle” - Therapist
She kindly offered me a hand mirror and left the room. The reason for her facial expression became very clear – from the Australian perspective my Brazilian looked like a passport stamp for no entry – X marks the spot so to speak.
When she returned we discussed the logistics of the issue, based on what we had to work with, and agreed on a more postage stamp shape – thank God I don’t have dark hair or it would have been all very 3rd Reich.
A few hours later I was bemoaning my experience to ‘Lady M’ over lunch, with a much needed glass of wine. She very helpfully pointed out that I should have gone for the “X” option so, I could have offered blokes the intriguing option of………..
“Humping for Treasure”
I would say she had a point, but I’m a little shape adverse at the moment.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
April 15th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
“Humping for treasure” is gold. So’s the rest of it!
April 15th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Em…
That’s all. Just em.
Oh, and I think I’m going to stay awake a bit later tonight.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
ha ha - very good!
What about an arrow shape to guide them in?!!!
April 16th, 2008 at 5:25 am
Should have gotten a professional to do the job. I recommend this guy.
ps. Ireland’s Own? Really? You can’t be serious.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Kath - great line but not mine sadly!
Eolai - nightmares?
Quick - we did have a long discussion on worse shapes - ! won
Primal - brilliant
April 16th, 2008 at 10:19 am
A postage stamp shape? Sounds rather small. Won’t it just look like a bit the beautician forgot about?
April 16th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
1. I am glad I am a man
2. I am sorely disappointed that no-one made the “postage-stamp - licking” joke.
Although most stamps are self-sealing now, so that could be pretty painful
April 16th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
“If I cut it, they might come�
bwahahahaha love it……
April 16th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Nick - the proportions are unfortunate
Rob - lol, was going to say something about “getting mail” but yours is better.
Man - ah, you’re easily amused
April 16th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I, once, after 16 shots took it upon myself to shave off pretty much all the hair on my body. I didn’t manage any letters of the alphabet though…
Not sure of the relevance, just thought this might be a safe place to share
April 17th, 2008 at 9:29 am
One of my readers recommends Brazilia in Dublin. Apparently you can have chocolate scented bits if you so desire - or a Swarovski crystal ‘lady garden’ anyone?
http://englishmum.com/2008/04/09/nethers-knowingly-undermanicured/
April 17th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Don’t suppose there’s any pictures to accompany this story?
April 17th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Well, you needed to keep some proof you’re a natural redhead! Well done though, these efforts are appreciated and don’t go un-noticed. (Or is it that if the efforts aren’t made that we notice?)
April 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
bring back the bush
April 18th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I hear it was quite expensive, and there was a fair bit to remove. Flirty had to dip into her hedge fund.
April 19th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Am playing tag - you’re it!
http://funnyoldlife.wordpress.com/2008/04/18/tag-youre-it/
April 19th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Timely post. I work in the fashion industry and recetly had to watch and review and
“deem appropriate or not” a teaching video of the “Male Brazilian”. I will never again look at salami in the same way.
It did make me happy that men have to go through the pain of waxing too !!
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
What a coincidence.
Devin just did something similar, in preparation for doing something a good deal more radical.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:54 am
Hilarious!
Was it sore?
May 7th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
A little pick me up– The austrian national rugby team celebrating there 48-0 defeat to lithuanhia with a bit of a dance…
http://www.delfi.lt/news/daily/lithuania/article.php?id=16906925