Well I have been a bit rubbish at the blogging recently, but I do have a good excuse. I am yet again between jobs. Due to the current ‘downcline’ and approaching summer getting a new consultancy role is proving difficult. If I don’t get one soon I will end up being unemployed for the summer. Although the timing might be good, if the weather is decent, I don’t think the social welfare officer will look kindly on subsidising my two bed penthouse.
So I have been desperately pitching for new business to lots of dusty old men who say things like;
“aren’t you a ‘great girl’, running your own business – do you work all on your own?”
Which roughly translates as;
“Is there anyone with a Penis involved or is it just you and your Vagina?”
Last Thursday I was meeting a new contact and was expecting the usual interaction - as above. I approached various stuffy suits in the reception area of the ‘Four Seasons’ enquiring if they were Mr X when this absolute RIDE comes up an introduces himself as my contact! It took me few minutes to compose myself.
We had the usual ‘cup of coffee and pitch’. All was going well until I very foolishly decided to consume the little chocolate square provided with my tea. As I put it delicately and hopefully suggestively in my mouth, one part hit my gob, one part stayed in my hand and the third did a free dive down the center of my white V neck top. Instant conversation killer.
Had I been wearing a dark top I might have let it melt and carry on regardless, but I had another meeting afterwards and couldn’t show up with chocolate marks across my tits – doesn’t really send out the right professional message – well it may send out a professional message but not the one I want.
The silence was becoming very painful when eventually Mr X said,
“Normally I’d offer to retrieve lost objects, but you might want to look after this one yourself – excuse me while I make a quick call”
The second he turned away I dived down the front of my top and retrieved the errant piece of chocolate, while mopping up the remains with a paper coaster – much to the horror of the ladies who afternoon tea. Unsurprisingly I didn’t get the contract. Who would have thought chocolate could be such a deal breaker?
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
April 27th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Those little chocs are the same as the visitors’ biscuit in my house - to be admired as a table decoration, not eaten. Shur if everyone ate the biscuit, I’d be buying a new packet every year.
April 27th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Hey, i’ve jsut subscribed to your blog and it’s hilarious. The ride’s loss. I would have helped myself to the choc too
April 27th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I’d employ you but I’m a dusty old man. And I don’t have any chocolates.
April 27th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
primal - crafty but cheap
Penny - thanks!
GD - double down out for you!!
April 27th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
At least he didn’t make any jokes about melt-in-the-mouth sensations. Maybe a penis-endowed partner would have steered you away from these dangerous offerings….
April 28th, 2008 at 9:55 am
lol. the harder we try the worse it gets doesn’t it. how did the second appointment go? and i hate those stoopid wee biccies and chocs you get in hotels, choc hob nobs are needed, they don’t mess about.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:58 am
heheh flirty, you poor thing.It’s very funny though
I’m totally outraged that men call you a ‘great girl’. How incredibly offensive.
April 28th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
This post is nothing without photo’s . . .
April 28th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Meh. It was such a good situation for a chat up line, and he missed it. His loss x
April 29th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
He sounds like he’s no fun and the contract would have been more trouble than it was worth. His loss, not yours.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I’m not really a chocolate guy, but I am of a visual bent and so have been wondering if we’re talking milk chocolate or dark?
May 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Agree with English Mum, what a fantastic opportunity for a chat up line! Sounds like he had a large stick up his arse. Oh well.
(By the way having problems with your feed - IE is reporting errors and I didn’t get your latest post. Just lettting you know just in case.)
May 9th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Right com’on. This has gone on long enough. Where the fek are ya?
May 9th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Flirty’s taking a very intensive personal-development and chocolate-management course. In the Maldives.
May 9th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’d like to pretend I’m more distressed at the prospect of you being out of work for the Summer but if you have a real gig you won’t be blogging so every cloud has a……