I arranged to meet Garda Nick for an early drink on the basis that I was ‘meeting-friends-later’, which of course is a euphesmism for:
Leaving early if things aren’t going well or ending the date on a high if they are.
Appearing like I have a busy social life.
Ensuring that I don’t get pie-eyed and sleep with him on the first date.
As the weather was pretty good I nominated a beer garden close to his spiritual home of Harcourt St. for a few drinks. He arrived without the stab vest, thankfully, but still wearing a pretty snug t-shirt, now matched with long combat shorts and flip flops. It was all very ‘Home & Away’ and he managed to carry it off – almost.
He volunteered to get the drinks if I got the seats. Everything was going pretty well, sunshine, banter and some good chemistry, until it was his round again. Unfortunately Garda Nick decided to go to the bar, (for some reason country guys are incapable of getting lounge service, I’m not sure if it’s because they don’t like being served, or tipping, or just years of their mammy telling them to get up and do something has finally paid off.)
When he swung around his leg to get off the bench, I clocked his big toe or more precisely his big toe almost clocked me. In fact to call it a big toe is a misnomer, gargantuan toe would be more accurate. It was like another leg growing from his foot. (Thankfully I don’t have a toe sucking fetish or deep throat would be required).
Garda Nick seemed completely unaware of his genetic defect, why else would you wear flip flops with those toes? But I wasn’t. I guess it was too good to be true, a good looking Garda! The more I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter the longer his toes seemed to grow. Garda Nick became my toe-nocchio.
Now I’ve dated a few muppets in my time, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to add a puppet to the list.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
June 9th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Is a really big toe maybe a good sign?
I’m out of touch on these things.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Or maybe you just didn’t like him Flirty and the toe was a convenient out? (if you’ll pardon the expression….)
I would have thought flip-flops on a first date anywhere in Ireland was a bad idea but I am awfully new to this game…
June 9th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Lol. I’m reminded of chandler bing and the girl with the enormous head. although yeah, as northsider suggests doesn’t big toes = big?!?
Seriously though, i agree with rick. If you liked him his freaky toe wouldn’t matter.
June 9th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
awh man flirty thought you were on to a good thing there!I have to say I’ve a weird thing about clothes..so I see where you’re coming from with the “toe” issue!
But put it this way if you hadn’t see the toe would you go on a 2nd date?
June 9th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
NS - got I hope it’s not proportionate or I really would be in trouble
Rick - I blame Home & Away
Towny - toe issue under consideration
Kelly - we have a provisional arrangement to meet again, waiting on the elusive text
June 9th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Hmm methinks the toe is getting the blame for dating nerves? It can’t really be that big can it? And if it is - fair play to the lad for wearing flip-flops and not hiding the poor malformed foot-digit!
Imagine your shock if you hadn’t seen his feet before and climbed into bed with him and the two toes!
I feel there are more flaws you are not mentioning - or you have the jitters?
Plus - toes, if well maintained etc, can be a very handy (sic) digit in some circumstances
June 9th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Surfing shorts and flip flops? He won’t catch many robbers dressed like that. As for the big toe, be thankful, the genetic anomalies could have manifested themselves elsewhere and then he’d look like your bog standard spud-head gaaarrrda. If you really have a problem with it I’m sure Dr McRide could do some corrective surgery.
If you don’t like him you can always pass him onto Sarah Ferguson.
June 9th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Oh, I forgot to congratulate you on getting your blog mentioned in the current issue of the Dubliner.
June 9th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
You’re just toe fussy.
*shakes head in despair*
June 9th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I’m not going to waste my time commenting on anti-toe fetishes.
June 9th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Should have clicked a quick snap for the blog
June 9th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
I always reckoned if my shoe size was two higher and my I.Q. 80 lower I could have been a cop.
June 9th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Speaking as a man who’s regularly accused of having women’s feet, I’m not so sure about all this proportionate talk.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Eolai and Flirty - Remember, size doesn’t matter….
June 10th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Sal - you have a very bad mind!
Epona - I guess there had to be a flaw! Dubliner, seriously?
Caro - you are on form this week!
Nick - I feel bad now - almost
Pera - taking a photo would have been even odder than his toes
Primal - harsh, funny, but harsh
Eolai - it’s all relative
Nick - not the length of the wand but the magic that’s in it!
June 10th, 2008 at 11:32 am
So, no spark?
June 10th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Not the length of the wand but the magic that’s in it!
That’s just a polite way of saying ’tis neither the length nor the breadth of it, but the educated arse behind it.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Nick - Size may not matter, but gender does.
Also Flirty, toes should never be exposed on a first date. Sex is ok, if you must, but sex with socks. Exposed toes are a long term thing.
June 15th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Oh My God Eolai, am so with you on the toe thing… I would rather see a bloke’s bits on the 1st date than see his toes…. I once went to Witness with a group of bloke mates who wandered round the tent barefoot… I was like, ‘do not know you well enough to see toe clevage…seriously, put the yucky crubes away… there is no such thing as an attractive foot, ever.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:03 pm
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