The Irish as we all know are not the best looking race in the world, but what we lack in appearance we more than make up for in alcohol consumption. On average we score around 6.5 on the good looking scale. (Polish girls are totally messing up the bell curve at around 9, although this is mitigated by some pretty awful dress sense)
On a night out most of us literally start out at 6’s and 7’s. As midnight approaches (thanks to alcohol) we are up around 7 or 8 and by 3am we’re all perfect 10’s. This is generally where women make the fatal flaw. On meeting a guy (half-cut at 3am) instead of exchanging banter and perhaps some salvia, we foolishly decide to “share-a-cab”, despite the fact he lives in Clonee and you’re in Stepaside. Unsurprisingly the cab only makes one stop.
I won’t comment on the in’s and out’s of what happens next, but presumably at some stage you fall asleep. The rest of the night / morning will be a cachonphy of snoring, farting, scratching, drooling and a host of other natural, but unattractive behaviours. When you eventually wake up from this sleeping symphony, you are at best wearing last nights very rumpled outfit or his oversized grey t-shirt or complete disaster – naked. Most of your make-up is now on the pillow, with the exception of your mascara which is now forming a large frame for your bloodshot eyes. The once luscious and perfectly lined lips now have a drool trail like the Oronoco flow. In short you are unlikely to be looking or feeling your best.
After some emergency repairs and challenging conversation there is a half hearted attempt to swap numbers. The thing that I find most amazing is that girls actually think the guy might call. Looking purely from the male perspective, who for a variety of reasons tends to focus on the visual:
He went to bed around 3am with what he believed was a 10. A few hours later he wakes up to see this creature in the bed beside him. It’s like dating snakes and ladders. He was happy to climb up last night, but in the cold sober light of day you have slid down in his estimation.
So ladies can I implore you to give careful consideration before you “share-a-cab”. If you are just looking for a quick ride, the fare is totally worth it, but if you would like something slightly more long-term than day break, get out of the cab – alone. If he’s the one for you then you have the rest of life for sleep overs.
Assuming you are very drunk, in a dark room and squinting - a lot. Email me on Irishflirtysomething at hotmail.com
June 12th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Oh Flirty I wish I had read these wise words before I did the cab thing the other week- my night had been perfect up until the point at which I really did believe I was a 10 (and so did he by the way he was looking at me)and the inevitable light came up as we left the club and then the blinds wouldn’t work in my room so he got to see me in my full glory and hey guess what- I haven’t seen him since! Oh well. You live and you learn. Love your blog! x
June 12th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Share a cab or share a c(r)ab I’m turning into my Granny when it comes to all this sex stuff, bed hopping is for fleas
June 12th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Was that you I shared a cab with the other week? I meant to call, there’s just been a problem with the SIM card in my phone.
June 12th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Her - we are all 10’s on the inside! bad luck on the boy
fraggle - guess the novelty wears off eventually
andrew - did the dog eat it?
June 12th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Great blog. I don’t agree with you that Polish women have dodgy dress sense (mind you I am married to one).In my experience they are like Italians in always wanting to look their best. On a night out in Poland you will always see countless women dressed elegantly.
On the phone numbers thing I can only speak for myself. In the day I did indeed call girls after the infamous taxi ride home experience. Especially if the girl was my type I was not bothered about meeting her under those (very Irish) circumstances.
June 12th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
lol, love your post. i work with a fella that trawls the clubs at closing time deliberately seeking the ladies that think HE’S a 10. shudder. i’d say the ladies get a horrid fright the next day, double shudder
June 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Oh, the rose-tinted glasses that come with the booze-filled glasses!
June 12th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Oh flirty-your posts are getting better-what an oh so accurate description!
June 13th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Aidan - I’m just jealous of the Polish girls, most of them could look stunning in a bin bag.
Towny - it can be a 2 way street but I think morning is always harder on woman
Nick - they are a matching pair
Jac - thanks
June 13th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Townygirl, loads of guys trawl clubs at 3am. One of my male friends (a regular in Coppers) calls this a “panic shift”.
Unfortunately we Irish, coming so low down on the looks scale, have to aesthetically anaesthetise ourselves with alcohol before we can bring ourselves to let one of our fellow countrymen/countrywomen share a cab home with us.
June 13th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Epona,
The weird thing is that foreigners don’t seem to have as negative opinion about the Irish as Irish people do. Irish guys in particular always seem to be able to hook up with good looking foreigners even. I have seen countless examples of this phenomenon. Maybe Irish people are a bit too self-critical.
June 13th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Aidan’s right, foreigners can have a very starry idea of Irish women - both in looks and personality. Maybe they’re idealising, but maybe also you gals are too self-deprecating by half. Or perhaps you should be looking for foreign men and avoiding the locals.
June 13th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I don’t know why but there is just something more charming about Irish men. In France the guys chatted up ANYTHING. So when an Irish guy makes a single sober come on, its all the more special, if not especially rare for me at the moment! Your description has me in stitches in the library!
June 14th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
It’s just as well there’s an influx of ‘foreigners’ into this country as the locals can’t be arsed to take care of themselves. Far too many Irish chicks wear skimpy outfits with folds off flesh hanging out (I’m referring to their oversized bellies now).
How can they possibly think that’s sexy ???
They all want their ‘dream man’ but don’t bother with making any effort. The misplaced sense of entitlement which many irish women exudes is a major turn off.
June 15th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
i lived in the states for a while, the americam girls loved us irish blokes, they loved our accents and the fact that we liked to joke and laugh and have the craic and that we did not take ourselves too serously..
and after a while there i started to appreciate irish girls more, they were not as toned and tanned and exotic as the american girls, but were always good craic and good fun…
June 18th, 2008 at 10:57 am
What happened there? I mean over the last few days?
June 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Yeah, with Sneezy, you went (I mean your site went) down there for a few days?
June 18th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Phew, glad you’re back, Flirty. I was suffering serious withdrawal symptoms there. So where were we? Have you managed to avoid all dubious cab shares in the meantime?
June 18th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Speaking of numbers I was counting the different theories of what happened your blog over the last few days. I’ll assume it just shared a cab with some other blog and was a bit embarssed when it woke up.
But hey, welcome home. I’m glad you’re back and looking your good self again.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I <3 you
June 19th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Primal, Conan, Nick, Eolai - let’s just say that I know a lot about DNS now. The web version as opposed to region of Dublin that I never visit.
Annie- am I totally uncool, what does that mean, have I done something good or bad?
June 20th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Hand on heart I’ve never gone home with sommeone from a nightclub… Don’t knnow if that’s a good thing or a sad thing…?
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Ha, sorry, just seen your response. <3 is a heart on its side, you just have to turn your head to the right to see it.
It’s like blonky magic.